As I reach into my savings account and pull out this months bills to be paid out on month 5 of my unemployment I think to myself “hmm I didn’t really plan to still be HERE right now.” But I am. And somehow I’m ok with it. At least I was before I let the world seep in and make me question my motivator.
Does fear or faith motivate you?
As a human most likely your answer is probably both, even if it’s just faith in yourself or someone else or a process.
If you are faith based, then ideally faith weighs in more, but let’s be honest we still allow fear to run things a lot, and probably don’t necessarily think that is a bad thing anyway because after-all at least “fight or flight” mode allows you “get the job done”, right?! Well true, maybe. But I feel like the goal shouldn’t just be just to get it done and move forward. Life is more than a series of check-marks to cross off for most of us.
For those new to my blog, I left my occupation, one of flexibility and a good solid salary because I felt there was something more that I was meant for and that occupation wasn’t my purpose in life and I wanted to take time to allow for a breather for God to redirect my path and allow me to steer down the path of His choice and I felt the only way for me to allow myself to “be still and listen” was to take myself out of my comfort zone and into a place of rest and discomfort in unemployment so that I had the time and openness to allow for redirection and purpose.
All that said and done, I sit here months later as onlookers probably see my continued unemployment as complacency or undirectedness (which I kind of is– by choice) or more commonly that I’m being unrealistic in what I am waiting for and had a great job I should have never left especially when still not being clear about what I want to or should do going forward.
Have you ever been in this place in life with a situation? You made a solid decision and believed in it wholeheartedly but then as time went on and your timing didn’t match Gods timing and everyone was buzzing in your ear causing confusion, you start to second guess what God originally told you or if you even heard him clearly at all.
So here I am. Questioning my decision to have made this leap of faith.
Still unemployed. Still undirected and unclear. Still no clear view of what direction God had in mind for me.
Plenty of job options but mostly just getting back into what I left. Everyone around telling me just to go back to what I know, go back to sales, take that job that’s just ok–but not what I expected–just because it’s “better than nothing.” To essentially stop waiting for the perfect job; that shiny present of a well paying job that fulfills me and glorifies The Lord while I’m doing it.
And frankly, at this point everyone is starting to sound like they are right.
But then I have to go back to why I started.
I started out of faith.
- Faith that I was discontent in my occupation for a reason.
- Faith that God had something different for me.
- Faith that He would use me.
- Faith that He would provide.
- And faith in His timing.
And now I am not thinking or acting in faith but out of fear.
- Fear that my discontentment was normal, and just something people live with.
- Fear that God maybe wouldn’t use me in the way I imagined. (which lets be honest is a very real and ok thing)
- Fear that maybe He didn’t have something different for me.
- Fear that He wouldn’t provide.
- And fear that His timing wouldn’t match up to my needs.
It’s those times when we don’t hear or feel God, or His timing or ways don’t match up to our vision, that is when we have to trust what we do know and that is that God is Good and His ways better.
And as always, when fearful or doubtful, go to the source of truth to put those fears to rest. The bible says,
- We are chosen and special to God.
- God will answer us and show us great things.
- Gods plans are to give us hope and a future.
And so I gain my strong footing again, waking up and choosing faith in this journey.
(Stay tuned to next weeks blog for the current update on month 6- last week as God made His big reveal which I can’t wait to share as I’m now playing blog catch up)